Chinese Wisdom

(I have been forwarded this by my Dad, it´s hilarious. My favorite is the reason why swimming is not healthy ^^)


Chinese wisdom gives advice for all generations:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you
live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want
to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef's good source of field grass and green leafy vegetable).
And pork chop give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable
product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Beer
also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you
have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain....good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried in vegetable oil. How could getting
more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing
sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.